Looking At Me

I haven't been blogging because to be perfectly honest not a whole hell of alot goes on here. My life is a bit boring my days are all the same. Wake up drink coffee clean yell at the kids clean some more eat lunch yell at the kids again dinner. See same shit different day.

I am hoping to change all of that soon I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am doing research on going to school right now I am looking into real estate school. I think I may be good at it and it is something I can revolve around my kids school schedule sort of.

The down side of this is it costs a bit more money than I have at the moment. So I will have to wait a bit to come up with it. I am not discouraged though it will happen it is just a matter of time.

Going to school may be just the thing I need to get me out of my long lasting funk.Give me material to blog about and a life outside of being a wife and a mother. I need that to be a better mom and wife. I need to find me again to remember who I am as a person.

Sitting here in this house day in and day out has brought me to a place I am not to sure I like. I love being a mom I just miss being me. I look in the mirror at myself and I don't recognize my self not just physically but mentally.I used to never go out of the house without my hair fixed or make up on and now I could care less. I just throw on a hat and I am done.

Some really shitty things have happened to me in my past and I think I still let them bother me I know I shouldn't but I do. There are some things you just hold on to no matter how screwed up they are they change you make you someone who is untrusting and bitter.

I need to do something outside of the home to give me a chance to get back to who I am or maybe even find a whole new me. To help me get over issues I have been struggling with for years . I have learned to forgive the people who have hurt me but have not learned to forget and that is what I need to do to move on with my life. Get back the time I have lost feeling hurt and betrayed and start fresh.


Toni said...

Good luck with the school thing!

Diane said...

i more than completely understand how you are feeling. i get in that rut sometimes too. then i make art like crazy. cuz it's all i got.

i think you are on the right track. you know what you need to do and how it will benefit you and your family.

some really effed up things have happened to me too. but the longer you hold on, the longer you let it/them/whatever win.

you control alot in life, even though it doesn't always seem like it.

you've got a goal, now make it happen! :)

Lady Banana said...

I know exactly how you feel. When I was at home when the kids were young I often felt this way.

Now I work full time I still have times when I feel same thing day in day out, get up, work, home, cook, eat bed, get up... and so on..

Somehow we often never reach the "right" place in life. I wish you well with your ambition!

Tammy said...

Take care buddy!

t said...

i had a period like that once. it will pass by soon hopefully x