Meet My Friends Monday

Meet my friends Monday is a weekly meme brought to you by Toni from It Is Nap Time.This week for meet my friends Monday I wrote you a story to talk about my friends I hope you like it.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young blogger named lapa37 (me) who decide to take a stroll around the blogosphere. Her walk lead her to Gossip Avenue where she ran into her friend Lady Banana. The two of them came across some blogs that were Simply Divine the two friends shared A Little Girl Talk. During their conversation they discovered they were On The Verge of becoming Super Mae. You know what that is right? It is a Mom Knows Everything kind of mom yup that's us.

Lapa 37 was the Game Freakz mom and lady B was the mom with Love In My Veins for her kids. While they were walking lapa 37 said "hey we should write this all down in our Mummy Diaries". This way we could look back at it one day when our memories are bad it could be My Sweet Escape from A Straight Jacket And A Padded Room. They laughed lapa 37 thinking about the nurses arguing over who was the one to be on The Poopie Patrol.

At that same time the two friends looked at eachother and said "It Is Nap Time right"? Lapa 37 said "I sure could use a nap to be well rested for my trip to The Cowboy Chronicals" (the local saloon in town) I plan on having some drinks so I can be a happy Posh Totty and flirt with all the boys. I am going to dance around like a Screaming Mimi and show them how to have fun.

The end

If I left your blog out do not fret I am already working on another story so look for your blog in that one.......

I Have A Confession To Make

Haha made you look!!!!!!

You thought I was going to make some confession about being a bad wife or mother or homemaker. Nope not me for one thing I sent my man off to work happy he got him some much needed SEX..... And it was in the middle of the day room bright and all. So no bad wife.

My kids were showered and fed and looked pretty darn spiffy when they went to bed so no bad mom.

The dishes are piled high in the sink the floor needs to be vacuumed and something stinks. Oh no bad homemaker!!!! Ok so I have been neglecting my housework but give me a break I have been blogging for goodness sakes. That is so much more important than the dishes, vacuuming and Do you smell something?

I do other things besides blog I read my email I do other things just nothing is coming to mind at this very moment. Do you smell that?

Oh yeah I thought of something I read emails no wait I said that already OH I know I see if someone posted yet.No wait that has to do with blogging..... OOh I know I post on my other blogs no wait that is blog related as well. Hmmmm I guess I don't do anything else but blog so what?

Like you can judge me I bet you have some housework that needs to be done... Some laundry laying around somewhere. A few dust bunnies hiding out in secret places you just are not going to admit it like I am.. You admire me for my truthfulness you want to be me and WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?

Ok so I have to go blog I mean find out where that smell is coming from..Wish me luck from the odor it is putting off I am for sure going to need it. Oh and if you don't hear from me later it could mean that whatever it was that stunk me off the computer may have been toxic..



It was just the cat litter it had like this green cloud looming over it you know like you see in cartoons. No wonder the cats decided to poop on the floor they couldn't tolerate the odor either.JK About the pooping on the floor that would be yucky.

My proud Mommy Moments

My son is a piece of work he just came out of the bathroom with a huge smile on his face.
The boy with q-tips in hand is proud of the amount of ear wax that he pulled out of his ear.
Look mom isn't it cool how much wax was in my ear? HeHe He laughs at it I'm thinking man thats nasty and I can't wait to write about it how sad am I?

Fast forward a few mins and he is on the floor playing with a few of his pokemon toys and he says "mom did you hear that shhh sound"?

me "no why what was it"?
The boy "it was my butt" it told me to be quite...
He is such a character. Where does he come up with this stuff? I guess it may have something to do with the the things his dad does to him.
Example: the boy is in the kitchen sitting at the table doing homework
The Man (dad) is in the living room sitting on couch dad gets up goes into the kitchen puts his ass on boys back lets one rip and then returns to seat on couch.
I say to the man "did you just get up walk into the kitchen just to fart on the boy"?
He says "yup"
The things that amuse men and kids.

A Must Read Blog

I have come across this blog and this guy cracks me up I was reading one of his posts and had tears funning down my cheeks from laughing so much. You really need to check him out but be advised that his blog has adult content. The blog is called Dad Gone Mad at it's a blast he really tells all so go have a peek and make sure to check out his archives. Especially this one it had me in tears.

The Cook

I know how much you all enjoyed seeing my topless husband cooking so I thought I would thrill you all again (he he)I know I know he likes to cook without a shirt that is so he can show off his manly physique.


This is the preparation of the food look at him hard at work. Yet he makes it look so easy.

And this is the finished product doesn't it look just so darn yummy? Let me tell you it sure was MMMMMMM!

Camera Critters

I'm glad someone in our house is making use of the gym equipment. He just wore himself out!

To see more Critters visit Misty over on Camera Critters Meme

Funny From The Father-In_Law

I found it...And you thought there was no such place, huh????










You will all be so pleased to receive this....... How many times have we been 'up there without one!'

Bored And Living In The South

Man this summer is one of the most boring ones I have had yet. There is nothing to do nowhere to go. It's been to hot to do anything outside and with "The man "being gone most of the time I feel like I am going bonkers.

Baby girl just told me to clean something if I'm bored. Can you believe that my 6 year old is telling me to clean to keep busy. Have I entered some kind of alternate universe? Where the kids tell the parents to "clean up your room"

I did enough cleaning last week before my friend came to visit. By the way she really liked my house and huge yard. It was the first time she had seen the "new to us" house. It's a huge difference from the house we used to live in. Not that the other house was a piece of crap but it definitely needed some work.

Anyway as I was saying man it sure is BORING! I wish I could just snap my fingers and be able to go any where and do any thing but be here doing nothing. There isn't much to do in this town after all it is out in the middle of nowhere. With the cost of gas and everything else who has money to travel? Let alone spend money to do something!

Oh yesterday my neighbor across the street came to tell me that there was a bear spotted in his yard during the morning hours. OH NO! Just what we need a stinkin bear. Now I am paranoid about letting my kids and dog outside. Great another thing for me to be paranoid about.

Look out for the snakes keep your eyes peeled for the black widows and why your at it don't play with the giant furry thing with the gigantic teeth.

There should be a sign when you enter the south listing all the dangerous creatures you may encounter. Maybe this would keep us yankees from moving here. I doubt it but it definately would have made me think twice. LOL

A Funny From My Father-In-Law

Red Neck Tank Top

No words will suffice just see the picture.
I can't believe I have never seen this before !!!!


I think now I can say--'I've
seen it all'

Redneck tank top...
seen recently at a tractor pull.

Look
Closely!!




Do you see the things my father-in-law sends me he's so funny. Do you see that it is in fact mens underware?

I'm In A Panic

Ok let me start by saying these are pictures of some of my front and back yards.





I am in a panic because one of my friends from NJ is coming on Saturday to visit me. This is her first trip here and my huge ass yard needs to be mowed yet again.No problem right. Wrong! It is to effin hot to go out and sit and bake in the sun on the mower. Normally I enjoy the vibration of the mower Opps did I say that out loud? I mean I enjoy zooming around the yard cutting the grass and watching out for the toads so I don't run them over. But when it is 90 plus degrees out I would rather pull my nose hairs out.

The reason I am so concerned about the yard is the fact that my friend is someone who I care for deeply but must say is a bit obsessive.She used to come over to my house in NJ and if the yard was just a little messy she would just start cleaning up. There were a few times when she actually got out the mower and well you know what that meant. So I am sitting here waiting for the sun to go down so I can try to get some of it done. I am glad however that she gave me a weeks notice so I can get it done before she gets here.

Good thing I have the house in pretty good condition in anticipation of her coming here.Or my goodness I would be going out of my mind trying to get it all done.

Politics

I got this e-mail from my aunt I thought it was funny and that you may get a kick out of it to enjoy.

Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!



A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. Th e People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Random Thoughts

1. How come they don't use a lawn mower motor in "back massagers "? (wink wink). They sure would make a killing on them.

2.Why don't they make the water output on above ground pools just a little stronger for those of us who like to hang our legs outside the pool?

3.They have trucks and cars with air conditioned seats (The part where your butt is)so why not add some vibrating action to it also and no one would complain about being stuck in a traffic jam. People would actually go looking for them.

4.Someone should make gear shifts for truckers that are shaped like a vagina so men wouldn't miss their wives so much. Also this may keep them from the trucker tramps. Just a thought!

5.Maybe there should be an office chair with a hole in the middle for those of us who spend so much time on the Internet that we barely make it to the toilet. I'm just saying.

6.I have heard that some men like the fact that women have to wear seat belts,because the seat belt rests in between the boobies and makes them look good. Well they should have seat belts with fake boobies on them for those women who have small boobies.This way they can feel confident when they are driving that some guy passing by is saying "man did you see the hooters on that chick?" Just my thought if you have small ones and like them that's great. POWER TO THE BOOBIES!

7.Automobiles should come equip with a really long arm so you can smack the ass in front of you who
a.didn't use his blinker when turning
b.decided to turn said blinker on at very last minute.

8.There should be warning labels on clothes. Jeans- WARNING these jeans may look great when you first put them on but after meals your ass may widen causing tightness in not so flattering areas. Bras- WARNING after 6 hours of wear breasts will begin to go back to their normal sagging state regardless of the industrial strength under wire.

The tooth fairy came

I was under the impression that by age 11 all of your baby teeth were gone you were just waiting for your 12 year molars to come in. But once again I was wrong The Boy lost a tooth last night. He had been playing with it for sometime. Complaining about it hurting but yet steady pulling on it go figure. I know if something is hurting me when I touch it then guess what I don't touch it DUH!

But he is a kid and a boy so anyway he finally got it to come out. He comes into the kitchen with said tooth in hand and blood all over his fingers. "
Wanna know how I got it out mom?"

" I did this and that and finally out it pops."

I said "ok let me see where it was good for you now go rinse your mouth out"

When he was done he came back to show me where it had been I really wish he didn't I do not like to see blood but oh well for me.

"now make sure you put it in a bag and put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy"(he still believes in it)Who am I to burst his bubble?

The whole time I am thinking to myself "man this blows I just spent my last $10.00 on gas for the lawn mower" Not that I am poor or anything I just don't have cash on hand.

So he heads off to bed tooth in hand and now my mission is to search the house for loose change. Have you ever noticed when you don't want to find change there it is laying everywhere just waiting to be sucked up by that very expensive vacuum.Of course now there is no change to be found anywhere. Oh no!

What to do? What to do? Wait! I remember there is a coffee can full of change in the closet so I hurry off to dig through the closet. I find the can under all the x-mas stuff (The Man was supposed to put the x-mas stuff in the shed around um January) So I open the can only to discover it only had about 1 million pennies and some nickles.

So I find 2 quarters yippee and the rest I use nickles. I sneak quietly into the boy's room to snatch the tooth and leave the change praying I do not wake him. SUCCESS! Now I can go to bed happy that once again the tooth fairy came and went without being spotted.

This morning the boy comes out to eat breakfast change in hand and says "wow I got a lot of quarters" he begins to count his new shiny change only to say "oh man it is only 2 quarters the rest is all nickles that sucks" HMMMM! when I was a kid we were lucky to get one nickle and he is complaining. Geese be happy you got anything at all (I'm thinking to myself)

So he heads off to school I look and his change is sitting on the table he must have been really disappointed because he usually puts his change in his money container. Not to be confused with a piggy bank that is for babies. So I guess I have learned a valuable lesson here make sure to keep plenty of quarters on hand you never know when those damn baby teeth are going to decide to pop out.

Pool Time !!!!

It was a scorcher yesterday so after the kids got home from school they just had to go into thier itty bitty pool.Babygirl just jumps right in no hesitation involved she is getting so good at swimming she doesn't need her swimmy suit anymore.Well in their pool if she goes to the neighbors house she needs it their pool is huge. She does handstands now and flips it's amazing how good she has gotten. As you can see she is wearing shorts and a tank top I do need to get her a new bathing suit. What a task that is going to be I am so not looking forward to it. Not only because it cost way to much for a child size (almost as much as an adult) but because she is so darn picky. I know it is going to be an all day affair to find one. Good luck to me I say.
Sorry for removing the picture but I jusr watched law and order SVU and it was about pedafiles and how and what they do with kids pictures.So i am not putting my kids pics up anymore.

Now the boy he doesn't like to jump right in he is like me. It's all about letting each body part get used to the water.It takes him quite a long time to get all the way in. He makes me laugh though I am not sure how many of you know that boys swimming trunks have a mesh liner in them (well I guess you know now) but anywho my boy for some reason likes to keep on his undies. I asked him why and he says "in case my trunks fall down". I guess I can see his point I know if I was him I wouldn't want anyone to see my Shiny Hiney. He also likes to keep on a t-shirt he doesn't like to show off his killer abs. It's like pulling teeth to get him to put on a guinea-t (that's what The Man calls them) I guess he doesn't want to scare anyone with his "guns". If you knew how tiny his arms are you would be laughing at that last remark. Just to give you an idea of how tiny his arms are I can touch my forefinger to my pinky when I wrap them around his upper arm. I know you just put your fingers together to get an idea of what I'm saying. HA!HA!HA!

They had a great time swimming around splashing each other screaming yelling and that was just in the first 5 minutes. I decided it was way to hot to just sit there and watch them so I got in with them. The pool is so tiny it only comes to my waist so I do what any smart person who doesn't want the neighbors to see me in the kiddie pool would do.I grabbed my lawn chair and set it right in the middle of the pool and sat down on it.AHHHHH that was great. Now the water would cover all my body parts I sure do not want anyone seeing.I already have one man who loves me I don't want all the other men in the neighborhood to fall head over heels for me to.You know how it is when your smokin hottt!JK

It sure did feel good being in the pool I had mowed the lawn earlier and it was sooo hot. I still have more to do tomorrow though.It takes me a few days to mow our yard it is LARGE.If I did it all on the same day it would take me 4 hours. I know this because I did it once and I will not do it again my ass was so numb when I got done. Not to mention my boobs felt like they were going to bounce off my chest, or even give me a major black eye.Sometimes I wish I was a member of the itty bitty titty Committee. I have a new friend that is the president of said community.So I guess since I can't join that committee I will be joining the kids in the pool again after school because it was fun.

Idiot Lights

I want to thank the person or persons who invented the idiot light for cars. Today I had to go get gas for the lawn tractor and I am still getting used to this idea of pumping my own gas.

See in NJ all gas stations are full service you are not allowed to pump your own gas. That being said I filled up the gas can only spilled a litle on the can itself put it in the trunk close the trunk. Get in my car and am driving away I hear noises in the back but hey what do I care? The radio is playing some really good tunes I'm driving along LALALA!

For some reason I look down maybe to see if I am obeying the law and actually doing the speed limit or just cause sometimes I get bored while I'm driving and my eyes tend to wander.(That's a whole other post) Anywho I see the IDIOT light for the trunk is on.DUH! I guess I forgot to close the trunk.Maybe that was the noise I heard before (ya think?)What a moron I am. Good thing I only live about 5 minutes at the most from the station.

I guess next time I should make sure the trunk is actually closed before I drive on my merry way.

To Much Blogging Causes Sever Eye Twitching

I am convinced that my eye is twitching because of excessive blogging. Or it could also be the stalker blogging I now find myself doing. I have found a few sites that I enjoy so I visit them on a regular basis sometimes two times a day. But anyway my eye has been twitching nonstop for 3 days now. Is it a side effect of blogging? When will it stop?

What other side effects are going to come up? Someone should warn us newbies about these potentially harmful conditions. Will my fingers go numb and fall off? Or maybe my back will break in half from being slumped over the keyboard. Who knows but I guess I will find out because god help me I am ADDICTED to blogging. I can't stop myself.

Is she crazy?

My neighbors must thinking I am off my rocker crazy. I have this problem I love toads & frogs. Not a problem right? Well I don't think so except for when it comes to mowing the lawn. We have a BIG yard almost 6 acres so we have a riding mower and I do the majority of the mowing because my husband isn't home much. If you read any of my blogs I have mentioned before that he is a truck driver so this keeps him away from home alot.

Anyway I enjoy riding the mower it is calming for me to ride around the yard cutting the grass looking at all the wildlife I see. But here's the problem along with having all this property comes lots of toads and frogs. Not a problem for me I think they are just so cute and squishy so while I am mowing away I am also on the look out for them making sure I don't accidentally mow one down. So whenever I see one I stop the mower and try to catch it to move it to a more secure mower free location. The thing is and this is what I mean when I say my neighbors must think I am crazy. Have you ever tried to catch a frog or toad? Well it is sometimes easier said than done.

Sometimes they hop so fast that I am running around in circles trying to get the little buggers. I know if I was in my house or yard watching this chick get off her mower and walk around in circles for a few mins every few feet or so. I would think to myself what the hell is this lady doing has she lost her mind or something? So I just would like to clear the air to all my neighbors I am not I repeat not crazy I am preserving the wildlife here in my yard.All of the toads and frogs in our neighborhood know they are safe here so come one come all to our yard and live a mower free existences.

P.S. I can not vouch for my dog not eating you though. SORRY

I have seen some strange things but this.......

Ok so I have been driving for oh let's see 20 years that can't be real that would make me 37 ok so I guess that's right. So anyway like I said I have been driving for a long time and I have seen a lot of dead things on the road (RIP). Cats, deer, squirrels, turtles, birds, an occasional dog . But never in my life until last week had I ever seen a dead FISH on the road.

I was going to my kids school for field day (my son's was the other day and my daughters was last week) anyway I am driving along and I see a dead fish in the road. It just blew me away I started laughing to myself and said only here in rural NC can you drive down the road and see a fishing laying in it.

So as I was driving I was saying to myself how in the world did it get there? Well ok it was next to a pond so maybe a goose or a duck was walking with it in it's mouth and it fell out. Or maybe someone went fishing and was walking along the road and dropped it. Who knows how or why it was there but I said to myself I am going to take a picture of it on my way back because no-one is going to believe me about it being there.

So I am driving getting out my cell phone to take the picture I am getting closer to where it is so I slow down and get the phone ready and it's gone. Someone or something came along and took it. Now I have no proof but I will never forget it.

Five Things That Make An 11 Year Old Boy Laugh

1. Boy"Mom know what's funny?"


Mom"Your face!'


That get's him every time.





2. Mom" son does your face hurt?"


Son "no why?"


Mom "because it's killing me"


(my brother used to say that to me all the time when I was a kid now I get to finally use it on someone)





3. When he let's gas out (fart) say would you tell your butt to stop talking smack





4.When he is sitting at the table doing his homework stand behind him and pass gas on his back (his daddy does that to him) he cracks up for hours at that one and even tells his friends.





5. Just say the word FART causes uncontrollable laughter (even works with 6 year old girls)